Love and Money
Equating love and money is a habit we often pick up from our families, says Price. Rather than saying "I love you" or spending time showing it, parents indulge their children with material gifts as a way of demonstrating or compensating for affection. When these kids become adults, they can feel unloved unless they are being given something.
Money can be a hot-button issue for women because it's intertwined with the concept of caretaking. "You could take two independent, capable people, but when you put them in a relationship, their expectations around money change. A lot of old stuff surfaces," says Price. Suddenly, a woman may feel that the man should be the provider, and if he isn't, then he doesn't love her enough, Price explains. Self-worth issues easily become magnified in relationships--and the lower the self-esteem, the higher the need or expectation.That's what happened with a couple. Both partners were self-sufficient, with good jobs, incomes and credit ratings. But after their wedding, the wife began mismanaging money and racking up debt. Marriage uncovered her need to feel taken care of, and overspending was a way of asking for attention. Once the couple understood this, the husband made a greater effort to look after his wife--but in non-monetary ways like cooking and running errands. The wife's overspending stopped, and she had become aware of a powerful, hidden desire.
When couples sort out their money problems together," learn how to work as a team to solve other problems as well.
